On Fear
Have you noticed how fearful people are nowadays? How it crops up in everyday speech? How it appears to have become the default emotional response to anything “other”? Fear has taken over as our emotional overlord and I believe it needs to be cut down to size.
What is fear? The dictionary defines fear as, “an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.” I think that sums it up nicely. Fear is the response to perceived threats. It’s our first line of defense against “bad”. From one perspective fear is a vital component to survival. Viewed from another angle, however, fear is given entirely too much consideration and power in our lives.
Now, fear in and of itself isn’t bad. Of course it isn’t. As noted before, it’s a stellar way to help guard against undesirable things happening to us. A healthy dose of fear can certainly help someone lead a long and healthy life. It can help us to readily evaluate what should be sought after or what should be avoided. And, there are of course many new and good reasons to have certain fears or to be cautious. These mostly surround potential issues that have sprung up in the wake of changing norms as well as shifting societal expectations. Yes, there are many benefits to having a good sense of fear.
The biggest problem that I can see with fear is how it has been redirected in modern western society. And to go along with this heightened sense of fear is a critical lack of appropriate coping mechanisms. From what I’ve observed, there appears to be a prevalence of fear surrounding the Unknown, the Other, and the Self.
Discussing Fear
Fear as a concept is fascinating. Trying to discuss fear with others is also fascinating, although for different reasons. Have you ever tried to discuss fear with someone? Throughout my own attempts to understand how others experience and view fear I’ve been able to observe three general responses when someone is asked about their fears or fear in a broad sense.
The first is that many people do not like discussing fear(s) at all. If you want to see how quickly someone can put up their defenses just ask them about their fears. Of course I can’t be certain exactly why this is the case, but I could definitely make some educated guesses. I suppose it comes down to the fact that fear is a type of weakness to most people and discussing it comes with a level of vulnerability that many simply don’t wish to expose themselves to. This is perfectly understandable. Being purposely vulnerable with someone requires a certain level of trust between the two. Being vulnerable is also quite uncomfortable for many people. A topic for another day, but a factor here just the same.
The second is that many people don’t appear to think about their personal relationship with fear. They tend to have this general view of, fear = bad, and don’t seem to have any interest in digging deeper into what that means for themselves. Which I suppose is fair enough, but it is a bit disheartening that I’ve not been able to find anyone who has studied their personal fear in depth. Not that there's anything wrong with not diving into the subject, I just mean that it would be nice to find others to discuss this topic with after they’ve done some introspective work on the matter. There are psychologists and other professionals who have studied other people’s fears, yes, but those I’ve spoken to haven’t taken the time to dive into their own personal fears on a deep level.
The third is that most of the people I’ve been able to broach this subject with tend to not have many coping mechanisms beyond fight or flight when it comes to fear. They also don’t seem to want to find other ways of dealing with fear. Running away from or attacking the perceived source of the fear seems to be good enough for them. Which, again, is fair enough if those methods serve the person well.
Fear as an Abject Ruler
I believe that fear is being given entirely too much weight in everyday decisions. Understand that I am not advocating for the removal of fear, as noted earlier, but rather the taming of fear and a stricter policing of its effects. Simply put, fear should not be the dominant emotion for a person or group.
Like all emotions, fear is a tool. It reminds us to practice caution. It helps us to see areas where we may be weak or vulnerable before issues emerge. It serves as a reminder that consequences are real and it can help guide us through difficult times. Notice that none of the above scenarios require fear to take the lead. Indeed, I struggle to think of many scenarios that require fear to dominate or control a person.
It can seem like a good idea to let fear take over in dire situations, but how often is a person truly in such a scenario? Natural disaster, house fire, motor vehicle accident, war, etc. These are all things that shouldn’t be, and usually aren’t, an everyday part of someone’s life. It’s not often that one is in imminent danger.
Our access to information is certainly playing a part in making it seem as though the world is chock full of doom and gloom. There’s always something going on and reports of loss of life or corruption or wars are readily available. It makes it a bit difficult, I think, for people to adequately assess just how much danger they may really be in at any given moment. The focus so far has been toward physical dangers, but the fear doesn’t stop there at all. Social and personal fears abound as well. Indeed, there are many, many other areas that are sources of fear for people and the issue is just as prevalent in those cases.
Still, I maintain that very rarely should any particular emotion have unilateral control of a person. For the majority of cases I would argue that it’s far better to keep a calm mind than to allow any emotion to take control. No, fear is meant to be an equal partner balanced with the other emotions. Just like a ruler with advisors there is nothing wrong with gathering the advice and perspectives of those you trust, but the final decision should be made by you and not your emotions.
The ability to keep a calm demeanor allows one to accurately assess a situation. This in turn allows for better planning and response to whatever has come up. Staying in control allows a person to take into account the various options at their disposal in the moment rather than immediately jumping to the first potentially plausible resolution.
Still, it can be very difficult to keep composure when the situation arises. Especially if the person hasn’t had any exposure or experience with trying to tame their fear. Also, I understand that it can be nigh impossible to overcome the effects of extreme fear, but there is so much value in working on mastering one’s fear response. Even just a little control can help one guard against greater catastrophe.
When one is overcome with fear they lose their ability to act rationally and with forethought. In this way, they could inadvertently make the situation worse or go on longer than necessary. There’s no true guarantee of what a person will do or is capable of when they are not in control of themselves. They could injure themselves or others, damage property, spread misinformation, and much more all while believing they are doing the right thing.
When things like that happen, and the person finally calms enough to truly become aware of what they’ve done, it can be devastating. A flood of shame, disgust, anger, helplessness, and even more fear usually follows in the wake of one of these events. It can be a very sad sight to see or experience.
Again, there are many different sources of fear. As touched on previously, there are three general sources of fear. Fear of the Unknown, the Other, and the Self. These will all be discussed in the next few sections of this paper. Since each builds upon the other the goal here is to bring to light what type of fear one may be facing. Hopefully, having even passing knowledge of them will help one to recognize and mitigate the fear should it ever come up.
Fear of the Unknown
Fear of the Unknown is fundamental to the human experience. Indeed, it is so fundamental that the other two sources of fear build off of this one. I usually shy away from making absolute statements in my papers, but in this case I am certain that everyone is familiar with this type of fear.
We humans are creatures of forethought, predictions, and educated guessing. We can’t help but try to look into the future. It’s helped us survive, being able to accurately guess what may happen next. It’s so fundamental to us that we actually get a bit of pleasure when our predictions turn out to be correct. That hit of pleasure is why gambling and other such addictions exist, but that’s a topic for another time.
What happens, then, when you encounter something so foreign that you can’t know what’s coming next? Something so different from anything you’ve ever encountered that there is no precedent to fall back on. No experience means no telling what might happen and that, quite understandably, scares the hell out of people. One cannot adequately guard against what one does not know or understand.
There are no correct answers when we don’t even know the question. Indeed, there are no answers at all in the case of the unknown. There’s no information. In these circumstances it becomes somewhat of a chicken and egg issue. We don’t have information, but we don’t want to interact with the unknown without knowing about it first. Quite the dilemma.
This is one of the reasons why fear of the dark is so prevalent for sighted people. Since we use our eyes as our primary source of information, having that source blocked by lack of light, injury, or something else can send us into a tailspin. We can’t determine what we are getting into or what’s coming next so our minds go into overdrive trying to come up with various possibilities.
The issue here is that when there is no data then the possibilities seem endless. For all we know anything and everything can happen at any moment. It’s overwhelming, it’s suffocating, and we try to compensate by preparing the only thing we can at that moment. Our bodies enter into that primal fight or flight mode in preparation for, hopefully, handling whatever is to come.
However, fight and/or flight isn’t always a good reaction to the unknown. Quite often both can be over the top and too extreme. It can be useful for imminent danger such as an attack or other physical threat, but for anything else there are often better ways to go about handling such a situation.
The best thing you can do in the moment is keep thinking. Think about the circumstances that led to the current moment. Think about your remaining senses and the information you can gather from them. Think about the resources you have right now in the area or within reach. Think about your surroundings and who may be in the area to help. This is the power of keeping a calm mind in a potentially dangerous situation. Being calm helps you to see better the potential solutions if something comes up.
This can be tricky. Hesitation can lead to harm, but so can taking action too quickly. One can only do what they can with the information that they have. Often, however, people believe that they don’t have the luxury of waiting for more information. Sometimes this is true, but often this isn’t the case. Being able to accurately judge how much time one has to make a decision can help to prevent going with a less than ideal solution or reaction too quickly.
Still, sometimes people have fears of known unknowns such as scenarios which could happen, but there are no signs that they will happen. This can lead to one constantly asking “what if” to themselves or others. Oftentimes it’s not a conscientious choice, but rather an inexplicable and general unease of one’s surroundings.
It’s as if because they don’t know what’s going to happen they expect or fear everything happening even without evidence to prove this inevitability. It can be a brutal cycle, especially, if the anxiety ends up manifesting itself through accidental mishaps. My hope is that the final sections of this paper can help those with such anxieties better combat the effects of those fears.
Fear of the Other
Fear of the Other is quite interesting. It’s often indirect and very subtle in its machinations. In this way it feels almost sinister in nature. It can seem on the surface to be benign, but once you start to dig into the source(s) of the fear you may be surprised by what hides underneath the surface. And, while the core of the fear may be the same, the lived experiences may be different for each person. Undoubtedly, it can have very alarming consequences for those, and others, who are unable to escape its grasp.
As stated before, this category of fear is subtle and indirect. It is manifested by deeper issues and concerns within a person. These are issues usually surrounding a person’s identity as well as their specific level of fear when it comes to the Unknown.
This type of fear is born from insecurity. To be more precise, it’s the insecurity surrounding one’s identity. It comes from the deep concern for how one perceives themselves as well as how they are perceived by others. The natural inclination when someone feels insecure is to find ways to become more secure. So, when paired with fear of the Unknown, there is a consistent pressure that one comes under and we often see this fear become expressed as the person attempts to relieve that pressure.
It should be noted that this is a different type of fear than one usually expects to encounter. This type of fear worms its way into a person. It influences them in the slightest of ways and compounds its effects over time like the building of a tidal wave. It’s the type of fear that creates mountains out of mole hills. But, once the mountain is built it can take a major event, literally or figuratively, to tear it back down. And, sometimes, a person is never able to escape from its effects.
Examples of how this fear can manifest itself include, but is definitely not limited to, the following: having very specific eating habits; having a high resistance to learning about new things or people; having a high resistance to trying new things; having a difficult time adjusting to new information or outright rejecting new information; being unwilling to try non-traditional practices for non-specific or illogical reasons.
Because this type of fear is often so subtle in the way it manifests, it can be very hard to recognize. Its effects can be so small at the start that one would hesitate to call it anything more than a simple preference, style, or eccentricity. Everything listed in the examples above could very easily just be someone’s personal preference, but it could also be deeper than that. Much deeper in fact.
The issue isn’t usually the act or non-act, but the reason(s) behind it. What are some good reasons for why someone wouldn’t at least try a different type of food? Dietary restrictions or other health conscientiousness and/or religion are generally the only truly acceptable answers. Anything else means that the person has at least experienced this type of food/dish in the past. Note, there is also the danger of being dishonest with oneself as well which is another way that this fear is so elusive. Again, I’m not talking about having a preference. This is a deliberate, if sometimes unconscious, refusal to experiencing and/or accepting something “other”.
Remember, this type of fear is born out of insecurity of one’s identity. Its goal here is to protect the ego which is, above all, concerned with how one perceives themselves and how they’re perceived by others. To be even more precise, the true fear is actually how change will affect one’s identity.
If you’ve built your identity around not liking ice cream, for example, without actually truly knowing whether or not you enjoy ice cream, then when presented with anything similar to ice cream you may be tempted to not try it at all. Because if you do happen to enjoy it then the identity that you’ve built around not liking ice cream is no longer valid.
Now, some people will be tempted to scoff at that last paragraph. They may ask how someone could be so fragile about ice cream. How can anyone be so concerned about their image that they would deprive themselves of something that could, potentially, bring joy to their life? Why does it even matter? It’s ice cream for Pete’s sake! But what if it wasn’t ice cream, or not just ice cream? What if it were sports? What if it were music genres? Pets? The arts? Science? Religion? A culture? What if it were an entire race of people?
This is the reason, as I said before, that this type of fear is almost sinister in nature. It’s not the way this fear starts out, but the way that it can end that is most disturbing. The way this fear can build over time and encompass such important aspects of how one sees or interacts with the “other” can be more profound than is often anticipated. Left unchecked, it can become quite dangerous.
I think that because of how this fear initially presents itself that it can be especially difficult for those who are not often introspective. The reason for this is that if someone is both aware of themselves on a deep level and comfortable with their true self they are naturally more immune to the effects of this type of fear.
Introspective people are typically more flexible in how they see themselves and more comfortable adapting new ideas or information. They know themselves quite deeply and know exactly what they stand for or against and so new things are simply evaluated without fear of their entire identity crumbling. They are secure, and therefore unafraid of the “other”, because they understand that the “other” has no power to dictate their values, beliefs, or morals.
Fear of the Self
Fear of the Self is probably the most difficult fear to encounter. Fear of the Self is the twin to fear of the Other. Like fear of the Other, this fear is also sourced from insecurity in one’s identity. Unlike the fear of the Other, which directs a person to reject outside influences, fear of the Self redirects inwards stripping away a person’s will to better themselves or to view themselves in a certain way.
It can mean many things when someone has a fear of themselves. It may mean that they fear what they are or aren't capable of doing, being, or feeling. It may mean that they don’t believe they have control over their body, mind, reactions, emotions, etc. It may mean that they don’t believe they have worth or can’t be worthy of certain things (love, friendship, status, etc.). Fear of the Self is more aptly described as a fear of possibilities often grounded in one’s own agency as a person.
As such, this fear typically manifests as low self-worth, confidence, courage, and other self directed motivations. Because, at its core this fear is about both failure and success. Failure to accomplish positive things as well as unwitting success in negative areas. This fear is most concerned with a person’s potential, real or imagined and positive or negative.
This fear is just as sinister in nature and can be quite dangerous if left unchecked. Similarly to fear of the Other, fear of the Self tends to apply a constant onslaught of abuse towards the person suffering from it. I imagine it’s like being under siege. A relentless bombardment of doubt and despair and nobody around to save you. In this way it is perhaps the loneliest fear one can suffer. It’s such a personal fear that not only can it be difficult for others to understand, but it can be just as difficult to know how to assist from the outside. It also doesn’t help that those who suffer this fear often end up pushing others away.
You can see this type of fear manifested in people who have intimacy issues. In people who refuse to try to learn new skills. In people who refuse to publish their art or writing. In people who turn down promotions. Note that these people won’t always know that they have this fear. As stated earlier, fear of the Self tends to creep into a person slowly over time. However, sometimes a person is well aware that they have this fear and choose to stay in the confines of the bubble that’s been built around them. This fear steers people to stay firmly inside their comfort zones either way and if one chooses to stop resisting then all the better for this fear.
Still, If you pay attention to their speech it’s often riddled with self-deprecating language. They tend to talk about themselves as if they’ve already reached their full potential. As if they have nothing left to give or strive towards. Indeed, they usually believe that they shouldn’t even try. And any attempts to try something new will inevitably go wrong in some way, often because of self-sabotage.
A true tragedy is when one is gripped with both fear of the Other as well as the Self. These people may end up berating others for taking risks or trusting people. They may latch onto one thing to blame their issues on in order to shield themselves from the true source of their fear. They may begin devouring news articles of war or other disasters and use those as proof for why they shouldn’t bother trying. The whole world has already gone to Hell in a handbasket after all.
They won’t try new things and they hate to see others trying new things as well because it reminds them that they can’t take the risk of leaving their comfort zone. In their mind, there is no winning for them. Only more pain and suffering beyond what they are already experiencing awaits. There are countless examples of this fear in action and it can be so tragic to witness. My heart goes out to those suffering from this fear. It can be so debilitating and the results of living with such a fear so devastating. Unfortunately, suicide is not a rare ending for these people.
Please, understand that there is absolutely no shame in being afraid of anything. Nothing in this paper is shameful in the slightest. The whole purpose of this paper, and these sections, is to bring these specific fears to light. The goal is to help make people more aware of the effects of these fears and to help those who may be struggling become better equipped to combat them and ask for help if needed.
Conquering Fear
Conquering fear can be incredibly difficult. It can be some of the most painstaking work that anyone can undertake. It can also be one of the most uplifting and freeing accomplishments that one can experience. There’s really nothing like it.
The goal here is to go over some methods and thought processes that help with conquering fear. Do note that the following is not meant to vanquish fear. Permanent removal of fear may certainly occur but it isn’t guaranteed nor is it meant to be. My goal is to help one discover the best method(s) for building their own custom fishing equipment rather than provide a fish or to cure hunger.
My hope is that the ideas presented below can act as a launching point for people to begin understanding where to look for their own answers. Now, maybe some of the ideas directly help and that would be wonderful. But, the aim is to get the creative juices flowing so to speak. This is because these types of things are almost never one size fits all. These ideas will almost certainly require tweaking to fit the different needs of different people.
First things first, let’s talk about one’s mindset. It’s extremely important to keep an open mind during this endeavor. If your mind is closed off to new possibilities or ideas then the likelihood of you adopting anything else is pretty low. In fact, if this is the case, I’m surprised you even made it this far into reading.
An open mind is adaptable. It’s malleable and allows for different ideas and points of view. It’s resistant to stagnation and actively combats more fearfulness because it allows for more information to be taken in and evaluated. Remember, fear of the Unknown is a literal lack of information. So having more information in any area will naturally aid in reducing fear of the Unknown.
The next thing to talk about is one’s relationship with themselves. This applies more to the type of fear linked to both the Other and the Self. The best possible defense for those types of fear is to know yourself on a very deep level. I’ve written about this in my On Introspection paper. The short of it is that when you are able to learn about yourself down to your very core then your agency as a person will be sourced from within rather than from outside influences. It’s a method of building one’s internal resilience and discovering the foundation that makes up your belief system. The ability to be introspective is probably one of the more impactful techniques one could learn.
To go along with the first item is exposure therapy and controlled scenarios. Exposure therapy is simply a method for getting used to one’s fear and controlled scenarios aid in doing just that. An example would be the following. Say that you are afraid of dogs. Exposure therapy would be interacting with dogs. Depending upon the severity of the fear, however, it may be necessary to control the amount of exposure so that you don’t become completely overwhelmed and have a set back.
Now, there is a danger with this method and that is not pushing hard enough to be exposed an appropriate amount. There is also the danger of trying to do too much too quickly. Working with a skilled professional can help you with determining how to safely apply this method to your own specific case.
Something else to go along with the previous is a skill. This skill is proper risk assessment. Many people are not taught how to thoroughly assess risk. Any risk. We tend to learn the basics of this skill through osmosis during our formative years, but not many have done advanced study on the topic. Being able to accurately assess a particular risk can help massively reduce one’s stress and anxiety around a fear.
When one can assess a risk adequately and accurately then the person instantly has more options for conquering their fear. With a well done risk assessment one can come up with a good plan to attack their fear. They can come up with backup solutions. They can come up with better controls so to help them not get overwhelmed or to call for help. There are so many things at a person’s disposal when they can be reasonably assured of what could, and is likely, to happen during a specific scenario.
When it comes to conquering one’s fear, knowledge is quite powerful. Everything that was just covered will become more and more helpful with more information. You simply cannot have enough information. But to take in that information and have it be available to you, you must keep an open mind. Allow yourself to be taught new things. Of course not everything learned will be useful, but at least give yourself a chance and carefully screen things out rather than blindly cut yourself off.
Fear as a Tool
As I mentioned way back near the beginning of this paper, fear as a concept is fascinating. It’s one of the most primal emotions we humans have and it definitely shows. Near impossible to fully stop and very hard to control just screams primitive. And it’s wonderful. This is the perfect training tool for those looking to better themselves.
Seriously, if you’ve ever wondered what you could be working on that would provide an immediate payoff just look at your fear(s). These are literal nuggets of insecurity that you could be striving towards remediating. They could even be multifaceted meaning you could be killing two, three, or more birds with one stone! Fear is the super efficient weakness detector that anyone looking to better themselves should employ earnestly.
This isn’t thrill seeking by the way. Anyone can go jump off of bridges or something similar. This is a deliberate method of identifying areas of concern within oneself for the express purpose of becoming a better version of yourself. It can be physical, emotional, social, or all of the above. Any area that could use improvement will be captured in your fears. For a bonus, the less of the fear you’re working on that you experience will let you know that you’re heading in the right direction as well.
Fear is not your enemy. Its heart is in the right place, but honestly its methods could use some adjustments. Still, it deserves a seat at your advisory table just as much as the other emotions. It doesn’t, however, deserve to be your dictator. So I say use it. Use it to your utmost benefit. Let it advise you, but don’t let it take over.
